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Home > Archive > Words of the week > 30 September2004

September 2004

30 September 2004

The year's first poem is eagerly looked forward to, by all! A first chance for our new members to experience the great words of our Poet Laureate, and a rewarding treat for returning members as Sam's philosophical skills warm our hearts. For me a Auchentoshan Select will never taste the same.


I know what you're thinking


I know what you're thinking
You're thinking drinking couldn't start sinking
your wallets
Into 70 centilitre indecisions,
Into a hundred alcoholic visions
and sober revisions
out of 4 or 5 equal provisions
of flavour collisions we call
Scotch Single malt whisky.

You doubt.
I know you do. We all did once.
Or twice.
Or several times before we finally made the sublime climb
To taste the thyme, to notice the fine
Tasting Ties between fugus and lime
River's spey or tyne
Tasting blind, noting the signs
That make this dram mine,
nosing feet or vagine…

Forgive these crimes in rhyme, it's not our fault,
We are in love with single malts.

In any weather we are in this room together
For we love whisky.

And I know why

Wine comes from grapes, this I know
ice wine, I imagine, is related to snow
there's sauvignon, shiraz, chardonnay and merlot
they're just words, like the drink, they just come and they go.
We are not a wine society
We avoid tall glasses and sobriety.

We love whisky

Gin tastes nice with lemons and ice
Paint thinner or panty remover, any brand will suffice
'Cuz its all about the high and not about the price,
The flavour, or the Bombay spice.

I don't care about the subtly of vodka, it has one function:
Vodka before beer, you're in the clear,
beer before vodka everything vradkrafghegaghga
Getting drunk.
Can't be worth shit cuz they mix with sugar
Pump it into clear glass bottles
And give it stupid ass monikers.
Is that any way to show a liquor you respect her?
What happened to Matt's "Hi," and "How are you?"
Vodka is a conspirators poison, a communist elixir.
Needs fancy brand names and masking mixers
A drink for ladies, little boys, and for guaranteed hangovers.

We love whisky

Beauty on the eye, the nose, the palate
The tease, the taste the finish…
Speyside, Highland,
Lowland, Island
A beautiful spirit that doesn't even make the Vikings violent.

It makes them beautiful.
Beautiful held up to light, tinting amber what once shone white
Or keeping pale in bourbon baste
Or dark sherry face, a miniscus waist

Heather and honey

Beautiful to nose and to taste
A Flower basket, or a basket case
A pungent peat, A Blinding mace
What kind of funk is spilling over your face?

Having said a few words I feel much better
About poetry without a pipe or a cardigan sweater
So enjoy each dram, your liver to imbue
Cuz you bring as much to whisky as whisky brings to you.


Sam Simmons

September 2004 (with healthy chunks from November 2003)